don't make it gay
by eleutheromaniac
Summary: So maybe Armin's always acted a little too cocky for his own good, but hey, at least he's not as pretentious as Jean. Or as immature as Eren. Or as socially awkward as Mikasa. But for the life of him, he can't figure out this goddamned love quadrangle and it's honestly going to drive him insane.
1. in which there's a new girl in school

Armin Arlert's lived his whole life questioning _why_ he gets dragged into certain situations because he's a million percent sure that he deserves better than all the shit that he has to put up with.

So when the logistics team for the upcoming student council fundraiser is able to continue for twenty minutes without any strange interruptions, Armin _knows_ that something is going to go wrong now. At any moment. Mischief is just part of his daily routine at this point, and while he'd be thankful if the routine was broken for just _one_ day, if Armin's learned anything it's that his life is fucking consistent.

Beside him is Jean Kirstein, a fellow member of the committee who Armin has realized isn't so bad once you get over his snide remarks and pompous attitude. He's doodling in his sketchbook again and if Armin wasn't already expecting something awful to happen, he probably would've taken the time to take a quick peek over the older boy's arm because—surprising to everyone who doesn't know the other well—Jean Kirstein is some kind of artistic protégé.

But Armin _knows_ better than to let his guard down.

As if on cue, the door bursts open, hitting the wall with a loud thud as a clumsily dressed brunet steps into the room. He's drenched in sweat, breathing heavily, and his eyes hold a certain panic within them that makes everyone wince because a worried Eren Jaeger is _not_ good for anyone involved.

"Has anyone seen Armin? It's really important!"

Eren allows the door to swing shut beside him, decidedly oblivious to the stares he receives from everyone else in the room. It's not long before his eyes meet Armin's (who, despite bracing himself for something like this to happen, is still mortified all the same) and drift to meet the tawny eyes of the boy beside him.

The standing brunet glares immediately.

"Well, look at what the cat's dragged in," sneers a condescending voice.

There's no response for a moment, but Armin can basically _feel_ the restrained anger dripping off the boy in the doorway. He sighs. "Stop provoking him, Jean."

He would imagine that—logically—both sides of the argument would thank him for intervening, but _no_ , Jean's annoyance seems to only intensify and Eren stomps into the half-empty classroom to slam his hands down between the two seated boys.

"Armin, I don't even _understand_ why you're friends with this creep! I mean, just _look at him_ ," he shouts, gesturing angrily at the cocky, self-satisfied expression on the other's face. "He looks like the _literal_ definition of privileged douchebag!"

"Now, now, _Jaeger_ ," Jean begins, standing up out of his seat to glare down at the brunet. "My devilish good looks might make me privileged, yes, but _do_ consider how much your lack of respectability fails to improve your own... " he pauses, mischeivous eyes pointedly scanning the shorter boy's untucked dress shirt, messy hair, and canvas sneakers, " _Circumstances_."

Bright eyes flash at the insinuation and Eren's about to launch himself at the taller boy until Armin stands up out of his chair to push the two apart once more. " _Honestly_ ," he breathes, "You think you two would learn from five shared detentions that you guys _hate_ being stuck together, after school, with only Mr. Ackerman to watch over you for two hours. So remind me again _why_ you both have a tendency to create opportunity after opportunity for it to happen again?"

There's no response, so Armin pivots on his foot to glare at Jean first. " _You_. Sit down, look away for like _two_ minutes, and, I don't know, go to your happy place or something."

Jean scoffs at this, but does as he's told.

"And _you_ ," Armin begins, turning to face his childhood friend whose face is already red in trepidation of what is to come. "I told you that Jean and I had some student council business to take care of after school today and I _told you_ that it would take one hour max—as long as you don't butt in, start a fight with Jean, and make me deal with it because that is literally what happens _every_ time." Eren has the decency to look away in guilt. Armin just crosses his arms and raises a single eyebrow. "But you've already gone ahead and done this anyway, so go on. What could possibly be _so_ important that you couldn't wait twenty more minutes for me to get out of my meeting?"

The older boy mutters something under his breath and Armin _thinks_ he hears him right the first time, but for some reason, he likes to believe that Eren's a little more mature than he's willing to believe.

(He's essentially wrong every time.)

"Come again?" He asks, not believing that his life is real.

Eren sighs, slow and agonized, as he brings his eyes back upward to meet Armin's skeptical gaze.

"There's a _girl_ in my house."

* * *

 **pilot** : _in which there's a new girl in school and armin realizes he's not as mature as he thinks_

* * *

"Eren, how old are you again?"

"I'm fifteen. You know that."

"Right. So _why_ does the sight of a female human being still freak you out?"

" _God_ , Armin, just because I'm _kind of_ a young adult doesn't mean that I have to act like one? Honestly, I thought you would've known that about me by now."

When Armin responds only by punching the older boy in the arm, Eren throws his head back to laugh. "Come on, usually you _like_ my self-deprecating sense of humor."

"Usually. Not _currently_."

Eren chuckles at his companion's bad mood. "Sorry I got you in trouble again. I'm just not quite sure what to do. Home is supposed to be my sanctuary and every time I see a girl I get super on-edge."

Ah, the wonder of teenage hormones.

Armin sighs, raking a hand through his hair and subsequently causing his hair to break free from its stub-like ponytail confinement. "Your _mom_ 's a girl, Eren."

"Yeah, but she also makes killer chocolate chip cookies so I've learned to put up with her."

For ten years now, ever since he moved into the house next door, Eren Jaeger has been Armin's best friend. The brunet has a sense of optimism to rival Armin's trademark pessimism, a passion for anything and everything he takes interest in, and the propensity to get himself beat up on a weekly basis because of his lack of impulse control and lanky frame.

Their friendship doesn't make much sense to most people since the two are basically polar opposites, but the friendship doesn't make much sense to Armin either and so he's decided that trying to think about it more than he has to will only result in a waste of time and a massive headache.

"So, the girl you saw," Armin begins, figuring that he has to approach this logically even if Eren continues to insist that maybe the mysterious figure is actually a she-demon sent to banish him to the deepest realm of hell for stealing his father's work laptop to watch porn when they went abroad last summer. "She was just sitting at your kitchen table by herself? There wasn't anyone else home?"

"Well, yeah. Basically?"

Blue eyes narrow. "What do you _mean_ , 'basically'?"

Armin's stopped his advance on the sidewalk now and Eren sees this as a signal for him to do so as well. The latter is suddenly preoccupied with the frayed hem of his sleeve as he mumbles, "I mean, I didn't really _look_ at her, I just kind of walked in and walked out."

"So for all you know, your mother could've been ready to introduce the two of you and there could have been a perfectly rational explanation as to why there was a stranger in your kitchen."

"I mean, I _guess_ , but the stranger's a girl!"

"Did you even get a good look at her? For all you know, she's not even a stranger, she's like, an old family friend or something."

"I guess that's _possible_ , but, like—"

Armin sighs and resumes walking. "Eren. Take a deep breath. Go home. Don't let your hormones get the best of you. Introduce yourself to the girl in your house and ask your parents about what's up."

The taller boy shifts uncomfortably sensing the annoyance dripping off his friend's words. "But _Armin_ , can't you come with me?"

"Eren, I have homework. And Krista's made me take home a bunch of committee work since she agreed to let me leave the meeting early, so I have that to do too."

"But _Armin_ ," comes the high-pitched whine, "I'm _really_ bad at talking to girls."

And it's at times like these where Armin just _really_ wants to bash his head against a wall but he's quick to remind himself that he deserves better than such an untimely fate.

They're standing at Armin's front door now, Eren mustering his best sad puppy impression and Armin continuing to wonder why he's so mature for his age when all of his classmates seem as though they're barely able to function without their hormone imbalances sending them into a frenzy. Rather than voicing this concern out loud, the blond boy takes the opportunity to shoot his friend a shit-eating grin from behind the door, singsong a sarcastic " _Good luck, Eren_!" and joyfully slam said door in his best friend's face.

When he hears Eren curse at him angrily while trying to break the door open, Armin allows himself to slide down a nearby wall with a smug smile on his face.

Sometimes it's nice being petty.

* * *

Armin's really bad at being petty.

About three hours after Eren had finally sulked home, Armin began to feel guilty about belittling his friend's problem—however ridiculous it truly was—and had sent him a number of text messages in an attempt to ensure that his best friend was still alive and kicking.

But the bastard didn't even have the courtesy to respond to a _single_ one of Armin's texts, voicemails, or rocks thrown at the older boy's window.

Like, wow. Talk about _rude_.

It isn't until the next morning, ten minutes before the two usually meet up to walk to school together, that Eren finally responds to Armin's messages:

— _Sorry Ar can't walk with you to class today_

— _I promised that I'd go with Mikasa_

— _See you at school though_

Our blond protagonist squints at the messages and can't help but wonder what they would've read like if Eren's iPhone didn't autocorrect his sorry ass.

Rather than dwelling on old memories of Eren's clumsy fingers or thoughts about how his _best friend_ just _ditched him_ for _the same girl_ that he was terrified of _less than twenty-four hours ago_ , Armin chooses to scoff it off and march to class by himself. He doesn't even feel bad when he texts Jean to meet him at the front of the school in five minutes just because he knows that it'll piss Eren off. Because he's like, mature and shit.

But honestly, what kind of name is "Mikasa" anyway?

* * *

"You don't usually want to meet up with me unless you need me to do something for you," Jean greets with his trademark bluntness. "I'm not going to apologize to Jaeger though, if _that_ 's what this is about."

Armin rolls his eyes as he takes a seat next to Jean on the steps of the school. There are a million retorts that come to mind at the other boy's words but Armin somehow finds it in himself to refrain from speaking any aloud. "Morning to you too, Jean. How was the rest of the meeting?"

It's silent for a moment as the taller boy carefully regards his blond friend and subsequently ignores the question that had been addressed to him. After a few seconds, his eyes widen as a spark seems to light itself within his eyes and he breathes, "Oh my god, you got into a fight with Jaeger. Does it have anything to do with that girl he was so terrified of yesterday?"

Armin immediately cringes at the gossipy tone of Jean's voice, shoving his shoulder as a hint for him to shut up and knock it out. "I text you to hang out _once_ , and this is what I get?"

"Your defensiveness must mean that I'm right!" The older boy throws his head back to laugh in a way that seems _eerily_ familiar, before reaching over to pull Armin closer and mess up his hair with his knuckles. Jean probably means for it to be an affectionate gesture, but it's kind of dehumanizing.

The younger boy just scowls at him, pulling himself out of the brunet's grip and dusting off any real or imaginary remnants of the other's touch. "You know, you'd have a lot more friends if you acted less pretentious."

Jean just leans back against the stairs and smirks at him. "Oh, but Armin? It's not acting."

Armin visibly cringes at the line—Jean probably thinks he's cool or something—but it seems as though this is exactly the reaction that the other had wanted because it sends him into another fit of hysteria.

Armin can do nothing but glare at his friend until the other boy finally stops, pretending to wipe tears away from his eyes. His lips part—probably to make another joke at his blond friend's expense—and then all of a sudden his eyes go wide and his jaw drops.

Blue eyes blink in surprise before turning to stare at whatever it is that Jean's staring at because if Armin knows _anything_ about Jean, it's that there's only _one_ thing (or should he say, _person_ ) who has the ability to make the tall brunet lose his train of thought so quickly.

And, as per usual, Armin's not wrong.

Walking towards the entrance of the school is Eren—but he doesn't _look_ like Eren, what the _fuck_ —and walking slightly behind him is a young woman—about their age—who looks more like a model than a high school student and that _says_ something because _Krista_ is their student council president. The newcomer has black hair that looks like it came out of a L'Oreal ad and wears her pleated skirt, button-up, and blazer as though it's an outfit on the runway. Her gray eyes are tilted downward ever so slightly as she avoids the stares of the students around her and seems to focus on nothing more than the back of the boy who's walking slightly in front of her.

Armin's quick to deduce that this new arrival must be Mikasa, but no matter how hard he tries, he's unable to find an explanation for what her existence has to do with Eren's new look. Calling it a "new look" isn't all that fair though; it's more like Eren decided to shower and didn't throw on whatever clothes were on his floor before coming to school.

Rather than the crumpled clothes and Converse that Eren usually dons, his uniform seems neatly pressed and his dress shoes look just as shiny and new as Mikasa's. The trademark mess of brown hair atop his head even looks _brushed_ into a more tame, disheveled state and Armin has seen enough of his friend's face day after day for the past ten years to _know_ that Eren Jaeger is currently wearing concealer.

Armin feels his lips part in surprise but has more self-restraint than Jean to resist allowing his jaw to drop entirely.

Eren and Mikasa come to a stop in front of the seated pair, and it's only then that Armin realizes that Eren's upgraded his battered backpack to the leather messenger bag his father got him for his last birthday and that another bag—presumably Mikasa's—is slung over his other shoulder. There's an excited gleam in his eyes as he gestures toward Armin. "And this is Armin, the guy I was telling you about last night!"

Our blond protagonist can do nothing but stare in awe at the two people before him, at a sudden loss for words for a reason that he can't explain. His lips are still parted though—like an idiot—so that probably explains why Mikasa's looking at him expectantly.

After a few moments of silence, her face breaks out into a gentle smile and she leans forward to extend her arm to him. "Hi, Armin. I'm Mikasa, one of Eren's childhood friends. It's nice to meet you."

It's that line that wakes Armin up because _what_? Eren had friends _other_ than Armin? And said friend is a _girl_?

(Not in a sexist way, of course, but Armin's still flashbacking to yesterday when Eren was mortified at the mere idea of sharing the same _air_ as someone of the opposite sex. And the whole time Armin was silently teasing the other boy for his handling of puberty! But look! Eren's suddenly being mature! How could this happen? Armin is still reeling.)

It takes a few more moments for Armin to spur himself out of his dumb stupor and remember his manners. He quickly shakes Mikasa's hand and offers an apologetic smile. "S-Sorry. Yeah, I'm Armin. Hi."

Eren beams at the two of them before wrapping an arm around Mikasa's shoulder in delight, "Mikasa's going to be living with me for a while, so I'm so happy to see that you guys are going to be fast friends!"

Before Armin even has the chance to react, Jean interrupts with a loud, "Wait, _what_?"

It seems as though Eren had been completely oblivious to the other boy's presence until this very moment, because at the sound of the other boy's voice, his eyes flash with something that nobody can quite name and he glares down at the other brunet. "What's your problem, Kirstein? And _why_ are you looking at us like that?"

At the question, Jean is quick to shut his gaping mouth and glare back. "Looking at you like _what_? I know that you're not used to attention from people like me, but this is my neutral expression, dipshit. No need to freak."

"I liked it better when you didn't look at me at all!"

"Well, maybe I wasn't looking at _you_!"

There's a pause for a moment and Armin can _hear_ the gears slowly whirring in Eren's head. Golden-green eyes stare at Jean for a little longer before Eren slowly turns to look at Mikasa who can do nothing but look at the scene before her with innocent curiosity.

And that's when it clicks.

Eren's quick to grab for Jean's collar, forcing the taller boy into a standing position as he glowers at him, menace dancing in his eyes. "Listen here, Kirstein, you stay _away_ from my friends—"

"I haven't even done anything!"

"You just _being here_ is something enough!"

"Grow _up_ , Jaeger, nobody—"

"I _am_ grown up, thank you very much!"

The two have pulled one another to the courtyard a few meters away now, and have taken to throwing punches as other students are quick to circle around them and chant, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Armin's still in awe that _this_ is how his morning is turning out—and he's not even sure why it's affecting him so much but for some reason it is—and so when Mikasa takes a seat beside him to stare at the crowd he doesn't even notice.

"So that's Jean, I take it?"

Armin nods slowly, barely listening to the girl beside him as he tries to sort through his own thoughts. Eren and Jean are _always_ fighting so why is he affected so much by it this morning? And, you know, come to think of it, Eren shouldn't even be fighting because he's _sure_ to scuff up his shoes and they looked so shiny and nice and—

"Eren wouldn't stop talking about him last night," Mikasa states bluntly. It's enough to make Armin whir around to face her with wide eyes. If she thinks anything of his reaction, she doesn't say it aloud. Instead, she readjusts her blazer as though it'll add some additional warmth to the pre-autumn air— _It's not even that_ cold _,_ Armin thinks, but he figures that he's not one to judge—and tilts her head slightly in thought. "Do you think they're a thing?"

If Armin was drinking something right now, this would be the part where he spits it out.

"A… _thing_?"

It's only then that Mikasa turns to face Armin with some unknown wisdom shimmering in her silver eyes. "I mean, I haven't seen Eren in years and I don't really know this Jean guy all that well, but isn't that—" she gestures to the two fighting boys who are now being dragged off one another by school faculty "The prime example of sexual tension?"

And in that moment Armin feels like fainting. Except he has a full school day ahead and cares a little too much about his GPA to let it go down the drain just because _his_ best friend, Eren _fucking_ Jaeger, might not be as straight as he always thought.

* * *

 **a/n:** so i probably shouldn't be starting this story when i have so many unfinished ones, but the idea hit me and i realized that this fandom is in need of more non-angst fics and here i am. l m a o. i'm not entirely sure what pairing is going to be end game, but i'm hoping that this'll be a fun ride for all of us!


	2. in which mikasa tries to make friends

"Okay, let me just get a few things straight."

Mikasa manages to stop herself from sighing at the words with the reminder that friends are apparently _not_ made by just silently listening to someone talk and occasionally nodding. It's not that Mikasa Ackerman _doesn't_ like talking to others (though she definitely can't say that she _likes_ talking to others either)—it's more like she's jetlagged as fuck (timezones are a bitch), spent yesterday dealing with a teenage boy who apparently doesn't have an inside voice (the kid can _really_ fucking yell, wow), and isn't fond of repeating herself. And she's been asked to answer the same three questions over and over again for the past five minutes.

All Mikasa really wants to talk about is classic literature, cute animals, and the MMA Championship fight she had to miss last night because a certain green-eyed boy insisted on not leaving her alone until he had caught her up on every detail of his life since she had moved away ten years ago. He's spoken about very little else in the fifteen hours that they've spent in one another's company and he's _still_ telling her about what he was doing on day three after the Ackerman household was emptied. If Mikasa's learned anything about Eren Jaeger, it's that he can be _really_ fucking thorough when he feels like it.

It's kind of sweet but the Jaegers have yet to purchase a domestic cell phone for her to use and she hasn't found the time to use the Internet yet and she just _needs_ to know what happened in that fight last night, Jesus _Christ_.

Realizing that she's yet to make any response to Armin's statement, she allows a low hum to let him know that she's ready for his barrage of questions without looking his way. Instead she's focused on the staff members trying to pull Eren and Jean off each other. They're not very successful and she can't help but find their failure amusing.

Beside her, Armin's brows are still furrowed in deep concentration as though he's trying to calculate the slope of Eren's sudden burst of maturity while taking the derivative of Jean's short temper and multiplying both by the amount of times that Mikasa's hummed in response to him instead of actual using words.

Or something like that. Mikasa doesn't know Armin at all, but he seems like the type to overthink things. And he kinda looks like he's about to take a shit. Mikasa's pretty convinced that people only make that sort of face when they're either a) taking a shit, or b) trying to do calculus in their head.

Math is fucking gross.

"So you _are_ living with Eren?"

"Temporarily, yes. I'm only staying with the Jaegers because my parents are still abroad. They just wanted me to be here for the start of the new semester."

"And your parents are friends with the Jaegers?"

Mikasa takes a break from staring at the pathetic excuse for a fight a few meters in front of her (the staff member that was trying to hold back Jean received an elbow to the groin and the one that was trying to hold back Eren is bleeding from some unsightly bite marks on his neck) to meet Armin's concentrated gaze. "We used to be neighbors. Heard that you and your grandfather moved into our old house."

The blond boy's cheeks turn a bright shade of red at this and Mikasa figures that the courteous thing to do is look away and try to figure out how Eren managed to twist that staff member's arm back so far without breaking it.

"So you're not _necessarily_ friends with Eren, you guys were just childhood playmates?"

In all honesty, Mikasa's social interactions for the past decade have been limited to her parents, exotic wildlife, and the nomadic elders of the Tibetan landscape, so the whole concept of a "friend" is a little superficial to her—she _kind of_ gets what it's supposed to mean but she's _definitely_ not willing to bet more than a quarter on being right.

Armin seems to be dwelling on the word though and Mikasa's getting kind of bored but has to keep reminding herself that she has to be polite if she wants to make friends. She thinks. So she settles for a shoulder shrug, eyes still staring straight ahead. (Jean's sitting on top of one of the staff members now while Eren is making a point of laughing maniacally and farting in the unfortunate soul's face.)

The answer seems to satisfy Armin who mumbles something like, "I _knew_ that Eren couldn't have any friends other than me."

Something inside her tells Mikasa that she should probably question the meaning behind this statement, but on further introspection, she finds that she can't really find it in herself to care about Armin's labeling and the two faculty members are now scream-crying for help.

Their failure's less funny to Mikasa now and is kind of just sad.

She stands up smoothly, dusting off any dirt from her uniform and picking up both her and Eren's school bags. "It was nice talking to you, Armin," she admits and actually means it. Sure, she kind of has to repeat herself over and over again before he's willing to believe what she says, but he has a voice that is less screech-like than Eren's and it's clear that his hesitance in accepting her has something to do with his feelings for Eren.

Said feelings are _super_ obvious but Mikasa supposes that that just makes it all the more cute.

Armin's still flushing a bright red and his lips are still parted as though he wants to say something, but during their last five minutes of conversation, Mikasa has learned that this doesn't necessarily mean that Armin is going to speak and she has a fight to break up.

(She makes sure to shoot him a tiny smile though, because she read in a book once that that's one of the steps to making friends.)

As she descends the staircase, the re-gathered crowd seems to part naturally as Mikasa makes her way to the center of the circle—back straight, chin tilted upward ever so slightly, and the two school bags still slung over her left shoulder. Staff Member A is trying to crawl away but Eren's still got a tight grip on the adult's ankle, and Jean is whooping with amusement as Staff Member B is passed out at his feet. The two boys look as though they're genuinely having a great time and seem to have forgotten their initial argument with one another.

Then Mikasa stops right in front of the two of them with crossed arms. "Are you both done yet?"

She doesn't realize that this is the wrong thing to say until it's too late. Apparently the words spark the mutual hatred that the boys possess for one another, and they simultaneously raise their fists to rush each other with what she assumes is supposed to be a manly war cry.

(It's not very manly at all.)

In the blink of an eye, Mikasa's grabbed both of them by the hair and has slammed both of their faces into the concrete.

Eren whimpers, Jean is crying, and the courtyard is silent. Until—

"OH _GOD_."

Mikasa takes that as her cue to release her grip on the two boys and stands up calmly, as though nothing has happened. She turns to face the bald boy who had burst out in exclamation only moments before with another one of her small smiles.

"Thank you, but I prefer to be called Mikasa."

* * *

 **ch2** : in which mikasa just wants to make some cool friends but accidentally offends everyone she thinks is cool

* * *

Things calm down pretty quickly after that.

Eren and Jean are dragged off to the infirmary (Jean's still crying but Eren's eyes are glistening like he's an anime character that's just seen senpai for the first time as he yells, "Mikasa, that was so _cool_ , holy _shit_!"), Armin's gotten lost somewhere in the crowd (though Mikasa wouldn't be surprised if he's still trying to wrap his head around her friendship-not-friendship-but-maybe-friendship with Eren), and everyone else that's left is staring at her as though she's some sort of war goddess.

So, yeah, things are just awkward as fuck for her.

But Mikasa's so socially awkward that she isn't actually able to find a name for her discomfort under the weight of all these stares, so she chooses to spin on her heel and stare back at the others until the circle around her parts and she can walk back up the stairs to the school's entrance.

They do so almost instantaneously and she tries another smile at them all in the hopes that someone will say something to her but everyone's still just staring at her wide-eyed. This flusters Mikasa even more—though she's too socially awkward to realize that this is a little like what mortification feels like—and she's thankful that she's able to spot Armin's blond locks from where she's standing. The familiarity is a sense of comfort for her, so she picks him up by the back of his collar and hurriedly drags him into the school building with her.

She still has the strained smile on her face though, because what else is she supposed to do to make some friends around here? Talking to people doesn't really seem to be working out for her and stopping adults from dying at the hands of testosterone-fueled teenage boys isn't much of a success either, but smiling hasn't _completely_ let her down yet, okay?

* * *

After our brunette protagonist ascends the staircase and enters the school building, the gathered crowd is still staring after her in shock.

"Connie, she _spoke to you_."

"Sasha, I know. That was surreal."

"Dude, she's so cool, what the _fuck_."

Armin chooses that moment to walk up to the two, eyes furrowed in thought and kind of looking like he has to take a shit. "Hey, have you guys seen Mikasa? New girl, pummelled Eren and Jean to a bloody pulp like five seconds ago? I have to ask her a few questions."

They hear angered screaming from inside the school building and every window on the first floor manages to break at the exact same moment.

And no one really knows Mikasa that well, but they're all right to assume that that chaos is answer enough.

* * *

Mikasa's mumbling to herself about how everything she said earlier about not minding social interaction was apparently a total lie because she now realizes that wow, talking to others _sucks_. And then the Armin lookalike finally speaks up.

It's not really speaking though—it's more of an awkward squeak.

Now, Mikasa doesn't really know Armin that well—she doesn't know anyone that well, in all honesty, and is slowly realizing that this recurring theme can't be good for her—but she _does_ know that the boy she had a five minute conversation with this morning is _not_ a squeaker.

She freezes mid-stride and is about to drop the Armin lookalike right then and there in her panic—though she doesn't realize that that's what she's feeling right now—but there's a sudden flash of brown hair that moves at supersonic speed and grabs the figure from Mikasa's arms before she can even do anything. The action happens so quickly that the figure breaks the sound barrier and manages to break every window in an eight hundred meter radius. Mikasa doesn't even think that's possible but, like, _wow_ , holy _shit_.

The girl in front of her is tall with freckles and messy brown hair and _wait a second_ , she looks _really_ familiar—

Mikasa gasps, drops the school bags she had been holding, and feels herself slouch as her lips part ever so slightly in recognition.

"Y-You… You're…"

The girl who had rescued the Armin lookalike sets the petite blonde down, giving her a onceover to make sure that she's alright, before placing her hand on her hip and raising a single brow at Mikasa.

" _The Dancing Titan_! I-I'm one of your biggest fans! I've watched all of your matches since you made your debut three years ago!"

At these words the other girl only scoffs and breaks her gaze from her fangirl. "I go by Ymir now, thanks." She had been livid with rage a few minutes ago but the expression on her features now is one of offense.

Mikasa feels her spirit drop. "Wait. What do you mean?"

Ymir's full attention is now completely on the Armin lookalike beside her, brushing the hair out of the small blonde's eyes and now commencing a more thorough examination of the other's body to make sure that she's _really_ alright. The tiny figure sighs and rakes her hand through her hair. "Some fan," the girl mumbles and that's when Mikasa realizes that _oh_ , the Armin lookalike is a _girl_ , maybe she really does need glasses after all.

The brunette's cheeks turn a bright red and when Ymir seems satisfied with the condition of her companion, she turns her glare back to Mikasa. "I retired last night during after the juniors division of the MMA Championship Finals," she supplies. When Mikasa gasps, Ymir only rolls her eyes and puts an arm around the blonde at her side in preparation to leave.

(Mikasa thinks she hears the tiny one mumble something about her being a "fake fan" but she isn't one hundred percent sure and is still kind of reeling from the shock because The Dancing Titan is literally one of her _idols_.)

Of course, Eren and Jean choose that _exact_ moment to exit the infirmary, both boys glaring at each other violently until they bump into the female duo. It's not enough of a bump to make either of them fall, but Eren is happy to use it as an excuse to grab at the hem of Jean's shirt and pull. _Hard_.

In Eren's head, this action would cause the asshole to fall and look like an idiot and Jean would be all embarrassed and then Ymir would maybe beat him up and it would be fucking _great_.

Except all that really happens is that he tears an entire section of Jean's shirt off and then falls to the floor with this stupid grin, looking all proud of himself until he realizes that Jean is still standing, he's on the floor, people are staring at him like he's an idiot—oh, _hey_ , Mikasa's here!—and there's something kind of soft in his right hand and—

Mikasa sees the very moment that the harsh reality of the situation hits Eren and almost feels bad when his expression plummets and he points an accusatory finger at Jean. "This is all _your_ fault!"

Jean's blushing profusely and trying to cover up his partially naked torso as he shrieks back, " _You_ 're the one who tore _my_ shirt off! How is this _my_ fault?"

"Because it's _always_ your fault!" Eren fires back accusingly.

The taller boy actually guffaws at this. "Oh wow, _real_ mature, Jaeger."

Mikasa can't help but grimace because Eren is the only person here that she can say she _kind of_ knows and he is _totally_ getting his ass whooped right now. This time's different from earlier today because earlier today it had kind of seemed like Eren and Jean both were just trying to get some sexual tension out of their systems. Right now though, it seems like Eren's just getting roasted and isn't good enough at roasting to properly defend himself.

She realizes with an aching heart that her childhood friend-not-friend-but-maybe-friend is likely the bottom in this relationship-not-relationship but she's almost _positive_ that Eren is more of a top—which explains why the two are always butting heads.

It's not really her place to get involved in their sex life, but Mikasa is aware that sometimes a third party is necessary for couples counseling and she is ready to volunteer as tribute.

Eren's jumped up to his feet now, the bit of fabric formerly belonging to Jean's shirt now at his feet. He's about to yell something at Jean again and Mikasa herself is about to stand up and get involved in the situation as well, but the Armin lookalike takes that exact moment to exclaim, " _You_ 're the one who's singlehandedly destroying the student council!" and effectively slaps Eren across the face.

"K-Krista, _ow_!" Eren whines, staggering back a few steps as he cradles his reddened cheek. "I'm not destroying anything but _Jean_!"

Mikasa hurriedly rushes to his side in a show of solidarity, not realizing why everyone else has wide eyes and has stopped moving entirely. "Eren, are you alright? You should stop getting into fights all the time, it's not like it's going to fix anything." It doesn't _seem_ like the golden-eyed boy is too hurt—his cheek's a little red, from what she can tell, though it's likely not going to leave any sort of mark—but she should probably drag him back into the infirmary just in case. She's about to ask him a few more questions but then she realizes that his eyes are so wide that they look as though they'll pop out of their sockets and he's trembling.

 _Trembling_.

From what Mikasa knows about Eren, he is _not_ a trembler. Yes he's definitely the type to shake with rage, but _trembling_ and _shaking_ are two _very_ different things.

The hallway is silent for a few moments longer until Jean carefully speaks up: normally straight posture now in a slouch, hands no longer covering up his body and dangling at his sides, and jaw dropped in shock. "W-What… _What_ did you just call me?"

Eren turns a furious shade of red and turns his body so that his back is facing Jean as he stares to the side with a frown on his features.

There is something going on here but Mikasa can't tell what it is. "I didn't call you anything," Eren mumbles, succeeding in convincing no one.

Mikasa still doesn't know what's going on so she looks away from Eren to shoot the others questioning looks. Ymir looks somewhat amused, the Armin lookalike— _Krista_ , Mikasa has to silently correct—has an eyebrow raised in thought, and Jean has a glare on his features and his cheeks are turning a bright shade of pink. And then he meets Mikasa's gaze, stops glaring, and proceeds to puff out his chest and tilt his chin upward as his face becomes tinged with a rosy hue.

"Y-Yeah, that's what I _thought_ ," Jean huffs, succeeding in convincing no one.

"I can't believe _my best friend_ hangs out with you sometimes," Eren fires back (but it's not really _firing_ , because that would imply that Eren's yelling. But his voice is kind of still small and slightly uncomfortable when he says the words aloud and Mikasa's aware that something's different now but still doesn't have the words "awkward" or "mortified" in her vocabulary yet so whelp).

Jean scoffs but the sound kind of makes it sound like he's dying a little. " _Armin_ can hang out with whoever he wants. You don't own him."

Eren clenches his fists and quickly turns to face Jean once more. "Yeah, well, we've _slept together_ so he's obviously more comfortable with me rather than you and that means that _I'm_ better and _you_ 're not as good, so—"

As if on cue, everyone in the inexplicably empty hallway is made aware of a certain blond boy whose face is so flushed he kind of resembles a tomato with a really sad excuse for a haircut that still kind of looks like he has to take a shit. " _This_ is what I walk into," he groans. There's another figure trailing behind him, but said figure has their features covered by their gray hoodie.

Krista stomps over to him, pointing an accusatory finger at Eren and Jean (and technically Mikasa too since she's still standing by the two troublemakers). "Armin, _please_ get your boyfriend away from me. You guys are cute and all but I do _not_ have the patience for this when I have an entire Homecoming week to plan." She pauses for a moment, as though remembering where she is and who she is, before clasping her hands together sweetly and batting her eyelashes at him. "Though I really do appreciate everything you've been doing to help out! I'm sure that when the elections are here, your good deeds will _definitely_ get you a new position—"

Armin's still red in the face as he retorts, "Everyone knows that Ymir has been rigging all of the elections since we were in elementary school. And Eren is _not_ my boyfriend."

Because Eren Jaeger lives a sheltered life and is not the best when it comes to understanding the connotation of certain phrases, he looks affronted by this. "What are you _talking_ about, Armin? You're _my_ only boy friend… Do you not see me the same way?" His face still has a bit of a pinkish hue to it as he begins to tear up, unable to look anyone else in the eye.

Everyone kind of facepalms at this and even Mikasa can't help but cringe. Krista's eye is twitching a little as she stares after Eren and Ymir looks like she's about to burst into hysterics. Mikasa doesn't have to look at Armin to know that the blond probably looks like he's ready to catapult himself in the sun, and Jean's hand is still covering his face in annoyance as he mumbles, "How old is this guy again?"

And that's when it happens.

The figure that had been following Armin removes their hood to reveal icy blue eyes and an expression marred with nothing but disgust for the current situation.

But Mikasa would know that sneer _anywhere_.

She feels her entire body slacken once more and has to basically hold on to Eren for support lest she faint at the sight of her hero, her idol, the _only_ person in the entire world who trumps The Dancing Titan on Mikasa's priority list: Annie Leonhardt, the current junior MMA world champion who may or may not have maintained her title after last night's rounds—Mikasa _still_ hasn't found out what happened during those televised five hours, dammit.

"I see you've already met the new kid, Ymir. Though I'm kind of surprised that she's hanging out with _these_ losers based on what everyone's been saying."

It takes a few moments for Mikasa to realize that oh my _god_ , _Annie Leonhardt_ is talking about _her_. _Her_ , Mikasa Ackerman, who campaigned to be Annie's fanclub president last year but didn't know how to campaign and got literally zero votes. So, _ha_ , screw that Bertholdt Hoover guy, whoever the _fuck_ he is, because even if he _did_ get the official title of Annie's number one fan, _he_ 's not the one who's currently being staring at by _the_ Annie Leonhardt, so HA the joke is _definitely_ on him—

Ymir says nothing for a moment—just sneers back at the smaller professional fighter. "Well, look who decided to show up. What's your damage today, Annie? Were the ice cream machines broken at McDonalds again?"

Mikasa almost breaks her neck to hurriedly stare at Ymir as she speaks because she is _literally_ in fangirl heaven right now—her _two favorite_ people in the _entire_ world are literally standing right in front of her and they might even start beating each other up? Is this a dream? What did Mikasa do in her past life to be able to witness something so extraordinary and mesmerizing?

Annie just laughs at the words before striding over and clapping a hand on the taller girl's shoulder (Mikasa gasps and almost has an orgasm right then and there). "Walked into school today and apparently people have started calling newbie here the school's new _goddess_."

And then _everyone_ turns to look at Mikasa and Mikasa's face has never been so red in her entire life because _both_ of her senpais are now noticing her and Annie _basically_ called her a goddess (okay, that's not exactly what happened, but Mikasa's in a dream-like state and Annie _did_ use the word "goddess" in reference to her, even if she was just repeating secondhand information, but whatever, Mikasa will fucking _take it_ ).

Mikasa doesn't notice the way Krista stiffens or the way danger flashes in Armin's eyes or the way that Jean winces on her behalf. All she notices is Annie shooting her that infamous smirk— _ohmygod_ , Mikasa thinks, that smirk is _basically_ iconic and she, Mikasa _fucking_ Ackerman, is on the receiving end of it and she just cannot _believe_ —and then Ymir turns to finally give her a hard, long stare—holy _shit_ , she's so fucking cool, she's so fucking _cool_ —before walking over to her.

Mikasa is pretty sure that she's about ascend into a higher plane of existence.

And then Ymir lifts her up by the front of her shirt and brings their faces dangerously close to each other's.

Mikasa's heart stops.

" _Listen here_ , you fucking newbie. I was willing to pretend that there was just some misunderstanding with you grabbing Krista and dashing off, but if you _think_ that you can just walk in here, beat Kirstein and Jaeger up a bit, and then claim the top spot at this school, then you are a goddamned _idiot_." As the venomous words drip from her lips, spit lands on Mikasa's cheek—and if she weren't so mortified (nope, she still doesn't think she knows what that feels like but _boy_ does she have a rude awakening coming for her), she'd probably die a little more on the inside. "So I hope that you know how to watch that skinny little back of yours because congratu— _fucking_ —lations: you've successfully made yourself hated by the biggest badass this school has ever seen. Stay in your lane, asshole."

And with that, she drops Mikasa back onto the ground, puts her arm around Krista, and begins to head further down the hallway. (Of course, she still turns around every few steps to shoot daggers at Mikasa. This wouldn't be a high school au if _someone_ didn't do it.)

Mikasa doesn't think she can breathe and for once—or rather, probably the only time in her life—when Annie stops directly in front of her with this giant smile on her face, Mikasa does not feel all bubbly and tingly on the inside. "Welcome to Shiganshina Prep, new kid."

She's about to turn to leave, but then her eyes land on a certain brunet boy with raging impulses. Another idea lights itself in her mind and so she turns to look at Eren with that same smile on her face and asks, "So if Armin's your boyfriend, then what's Mikasa?"

Eren had been staring after Ymir with clenched fists—still debating whether or not it would be appropriate to throw himself at the taller girl in retaliation for her mean words to Mikasa even though he was 99.9999% likely to get beat to a bloody pulp for the second time in ten minutes—and meets Annie's patient gaze with one of assumed arrogance. "I'm only friends with people who see me as friends. So Armin is _not_ my boy friend anymore, but Mikasa's my girl friend, I guess." The words surprise him as they tumble out of his mouth and his eyes widen a little. "Whoa, I've never had a _girl_ friend before."

"Not surprising, Jaeger,"Annie laughs again, making eye contact with Armin who's still blushing profusely (though Mikasa can't be bothered to notice because this must be what it's like to feel dead inside). The blonde straightens up a little after that, the bored expression painting itself onto her features once more as she calls, "Well, this has been an amusing two minutes. Come on, Bertholdt, let's go."

And with that, a giant boy who comes out of _nowhere_ —like, _no way_ he's been here the whole time, what the _fuck_ —carrying a large stack of books and sweating like crazy. As he trails after Annie though, he makes brief eye contact with Mikasa who just wants to dig her own ditch and just lie inside of it for the rest of eternity.

Bertholdt _fucking_ Hoover is _Annie Leonhardt_ 's personal lapdog? _And_ fanclub president? And all Mikasa got was a lot of yelling and spit on her face?

(Okay, the spit bit was a little nice and would have definitely been better under different circumstances, but _damn_ the world could be fucking cruel.)

At this point she allows herself to collapse entirely onto Eren, a million percent done with the world because a) one of her lifelong idols basically hates her guts, b) her other lifelong idol thinks that she's some kind of joke, and c) she _still_ doesn't know what happened during that MMA fight last night.

Also, _fuck_ Bertholdt Hoover.

Though Jean had been in the process of slickly (read: awkwardly) exiting the conversation, he hurries over to kneel next to Eren with worried surprise when Mikasa falls. Armin's there almost immediately afterward. And the weight of the three pairs of eyes does nothing more than increase Mikasa's deadness.

"Whoa, Mikasa are you alright?"

"Go away, Armin, we're not boy friends anymore."

"Oh my god, Eren, are you _serious_ right now—"

"Of course, Ar—I took our friendship very seriously. But now, fuck you!"

"We _all_ know that you don't mean that, Jaeger, you have a very unhealthy possessive nature when it comes to Armin. But are you _really_ going to argue about something so trivial when Mikasa looks like—"

"Fuck you too, Jean, stop looking at her!"

"Stop calling me by my name!"

"W-Well, if it bothers you so much then maybe I'll keep doing it!"

"Y-Yeah? Then maybe I'll start calling you _Eren_!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"You guys are fucking idiots, oh my god, I cannot _believe_ I have to deal with this right now. Do you know how _hard_ I'll have to suck up to Krista now? Jesus _Christ_ —"

A lone tear falls from Mikasa's eyes as she realizes that yes, this really _is_ her life now.

(But still fuck Bertholdt.)

* * *

 **a/n** : well, i wanted to get this up yesterday but at least it's up now! i originally wanted to tell the entire story from armin's point of view, but then i realized that it would be cool to switch between the perspectives of the four main characters since they're all a little unique and it'd be fun to see how they see things, lolll. your thoughts are much appreciated on this though! next chapter's going to be focused on jean and so we'll see where that takes us. c; i'd really appreciate it if you dropped a comment to let me know what you think! until next week~

(also bertholdt is one of my personal faves and i had to find _some_ excuse to throw him in here so LMAO)


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